Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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