I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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