How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
