im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
