the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
