I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
