; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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