if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm like, not good at living.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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