Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
