It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So much rum. So many feels.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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