barbara walters just said penis...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
