i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
