Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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