Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Michael Bay diarrhea
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
