I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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