Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
