i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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