She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
