he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
