How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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