He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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