i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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