my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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