If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
