Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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