You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
