Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
