Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
