we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
