Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
