Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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