pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
