So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
