Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
