While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
