Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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