I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
