I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
