dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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