Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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