So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
