Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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