Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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