i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
His hands were made for my vagina.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
