It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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