she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
