The maid of honor just puked.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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