Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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