Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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