I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
