He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
